“Be careful: I’ll love the shit out of you"

“History shows us that the people who end up changing the world – the great political, social, scientific, technological, artistic, even sports revolutionaries – are always nuts, until they are right, and then they are geniuses.” – John Eliot

The Path

This path is not easy. Not that I ever expected it to be. It is in fact quite difficult, some times a struggle, it requires a lot of faith, determination, and perseverance. This path is not easy but I never expected it to be, this will just make it so much more meaningful when I reach my destination. ♥

Release

I've gotten so used to stopping in and posting a excerpt of a spoken word piece I have just written or a few quotes or pictures. It's been quite awhile since I have really just vented or written straight from the heart. So here goes.

I am trying to remain on the path which I placed myself on at the beginning of 2010. I promised myself that this would be a year of self love, self respect, and self fulfillment. I graduate from college this year and I want to matriculate into the "Real world" with confidence and faith so strong, that they are unshakable by others. It's hard, honestly.
We consistently hear that what "other people think doesn't matter", but realistically, you want to be liked. I want to make people smile, I want people to love me, and I want to believe that peoples lives are better as a result of me being in it.
The challenge? Mattering to people by being yourself, but not being bothered by those who don't have the ability to recognize what you offer.
It's honestly disheartening lately how so many people have found ways to make me question myself as a person. I try so hard to stay in a realm which allows me only to let the emotions of others affect me as much as I control but recently i have failed.
I am hurt by so many people who have manipulated situations and friendships that have been disregarded and love which has been devalued. Lately so many people have disappointed me and it makes it difficult to continue to smile.
This is the real test. My ability to brush this off. Remind myself why I love me. What I love about Umma and what I love about life.
Praying to he who created me in the vision he saw me to be and realizing that he loves me for being that vision. God. Allah. Thank you for this life. I am grateful for it. He listens, so I need to speak to him more.

That was my vent.
Thank you

Mask

My mother once told me she feared for my emotional well being because I have the uncanny ability to emulate an emotion that is exactly opposite of what I am feeling. She feared that my ability to bury my emotions would one day lead to a breakdown. She also told me it uneases her that she could look in my eyes for 15 minutes and not sense any emotion what so ever because I'd built up such a strong wall.

And I've never been less sure about things....
There is actually nothing I am sure about anymore

Who I am

I found this quote and I don't know who wrote it but they must be observing me daily. This is perfect

"I don't have a fear of commitment; i have a fear of abandonment. we all screw things up. i screw things up, especially with the people i love. i get needy, i get moody,i get distant, i want to be too close. i get confused, i don't understand all of it. but i keep pushing because i hope in this thing, the universe. there's no way i'm the only person out there who wants it this bad. if i want it, someone else out there must too."

The Test?

Me being able to be happy about your happiness, even if it doesn't include me.

Dependency

The weakest characteristic a woman can display is dependency. Never let yourself become dependent upon anyone. Do not become dependent on them for money, company, compliments, or love. There is an indescribable power that comes along with realizing you’ve never needed anyone but yourself. It’s always beautiful to find someone who wants to give you the world, but it’s even more beautiful to obtain it on your own.

Self...

Self love, Self acceptance, Self fulfillment.

Beauty

So True...

Minus the holding hands tho...LOL

Relations

It's crazy how the people we were closest to at a point in our lives can become distant as strangers

The Challenge?

Remaining positive when you're constantly surrounded by reasons not to be. Life is too short. It's short and rapid and the moments which become memories are fleeting. In fact, they occur so quickly that you often don't even realize you are making these memories while they are happening. For this reason exactly, I would like to live life so fulfilled and so happy that my brain is consumed. Full of too many memories.