Dear 2008

Dearest 2008,

I would like to inform you that you sucked major balls. You brought me financial instability, heartbreak, educational difficulties, and unmeasurable stress. 2008 I had high hopes for you but unfortunately you did nothing but let me down. You proved yourself to be merely a disappointment. I hate you because I became accustomed to falling asleep upon wet pillows. Genuine smiles were rare. My stomach constantly turned, nauseated at the unhappy thoughts which clouded my brain. 2008 you bitch.


2008...first loves last forever but thats not your fault ill blame that Ho 2007. You will think about them constantly at first...then on occasion. The slightest things will remind you of a particular day you went to the movies or walked though the park. You think you've moved on until you see a picture on your facebook minifeed or someone mentions their name, and it causes your stomach to slightly turn, your eyes to slightly water, and your heart to slightly ache. That may never go away but I won't even blame you for all of that 08.

2008 I feared heartbreak and you let it crash into me recklessly. Tears and Pain. A harsh, haunting pain, which shreds your very being. A pain that makes you question if you will ever smile again. I recovered.

You taught me that in order to be in love you must become selfless but that only comes after you have learned to love yourself. And you also taught me that being selfless includes letting go of someone when you realize you cannot be what they need, no matter how hard it is, or how much it hurts. You taught me that you cannot hold on to someone for who you WANT them to be if it isn't who they really are.

You let our economy plummet Mr.08. Gas was up to $4.75 a gallon. Wachovia wouldn't give me an extra loan. I COULDN'T GET A JOB FOR 4 MONTHS!!!! WTF ?!?! How could you allow this to occur? That was just rude...

2008 you knocked me down fiercely. Round after round you had no remorse in your eyes. I got up each time. People have always spoke of this ferocious strength which they say I exemplify. I never believed it and you finally made me aware it exist. I never saw it before your relentless attacks but after coming out of each one triumphantly, i realized it is here.

2008 there were times I wanted to give up because things hurt so bad. You were a year of pain but you were also a year of perseverance.

I should hate you 2008 and don't get me wrong...I do but I also thank you.

Because of you I now recognize my own capabilities, because of my suffering I have gained compassion, and because of what I have LOST, I have learned to appreciate what I have.

I thank you because you brought me adventure in London. There I gained life long friends.

Last but not least you gave us President BARACK OBAMA. So as much as I hate your stinking guts, I take my hat off to you 2008.

Sincerely,
R.M. (Umma)

From Big sister to Little sister to Bestfriend....

I stopped blogging for awhile for a variety of reasons which included not enough time in my life but one thing I always have time for is friends. After reading my poem on Erins blog today and being sent the link to my big sisters new blog, I got back on here simply to post something for 2 friends who I think need it the most.

To you: I cannot tell you anything I haven't already told myself before. "The heart does things for reasons even reason does not understand." In the end of it all, you will follow your heart. All I can do is be here for you. I love you
&
To you: Love hurts. It hurts in this raw form which affects you mentally and physically. It's like you said one night "my heart hurts." I am not the remedy nor the solution but I am a shoulder for you to cry on. That is what I am and that is what I will continue to be.

Excerpts from advice letters from my big sister Sudeshna who is currently teaching in South Korea

Letter 1.

"It just hurts like hell and you hold on fucking tight until one day, you get so tired of your own bullshit and so angry and resentful that you gave so much that you let go. Sometimes its our time to give and sometimes its our time to receive, we fall out of love when we look back and measure how much we gave someone and how much we received."
&
"I wish there was a better solution but there isnt. its fool proof. you hurt enough, you get exhausted and tired and angry and resentful and peaceful and quiet and one day you just kinda heal. I dont think you stop loving them though but you must realize you are in love with the idea of that person rather than the actual person."
-Sudeshna


Letter 2.

I will leave u with this: for people like you and me it will always be easy to give love and harder to receive it . Here the Catch 22: in order to receive the love you deserve. You have to know you deserve it. We keep givng in hopes of someone noticing we're deserving. But by giving and allowing someone to "take" we become someone worth taking from and not givnig to. Real love doesnt feel like that. Real love feels pretty damn effortless and we wont find it until we throw these rules we create out the door. We had the perfect man we want but he doesnt come in perfect packages. The day I stopped trying to fit some guy into some list, i found what it was I was looking for. He doesnt have to fit my ideals, i now live on the principal that the universe will provide me what I need, when I need it. I just have to know when to let it go and start receiving.


I love you sis. Life is beautiful. Not because Im in love but because I am loved by God or whoever you want to call it. SOmeone somewhere saw what I needed and provided me with something right to compare to the rest of my life so i never go wrong again. Its not love that makes the world better its getting what you deserve and feeling that you deserve it because you did it the right way."

-Sudeshna

The best part of all of this? A few days ago she started her own blog...
She may KILL me for doing this but I feel everyone deserves a bit of Sue in their lives...

http://sudeshnamajumdar1.blogspot.com/