There is something so beautiful about the first time you fall in love. You hold no expectations. You have no inhibitions. All you know is that this person right here, in front of you, is one of God's most beautiful creations. All you are aware of is the simple fact that they posses the ability to give you this indescribable feeling. Its not simply that they make you happy or you feel a sense of comfort with them. Its the fact that they can make you feel emotions you didn't know existed, they change how you see the world, your outlook on what not only the future but on what life has to offer.
I don't think you will ever realize the state I was in before you came along. Have you ever seen an incomplete puzzle? And once it was partially put together the whole image was identifiable, although it wasn't all there? That was me after my father passed away. I was me, but only to an extent. Pieces were missing. I no longer held faith in God, I no longer understood why we bothered to be good people if that only equalled to death . And the crazy thing is that people always asked "how I was handling things so well", it was if I'd put on this serene facade and even those who knew me the best couldn't see past it.
Then you came along. And I will never say you compensated for my loss because nobody in this world will ever take the place of my father but please understand that once you came along the only thing which I was sure about was that you made me happy. You provided not only security and comfort but you provided a sense of fulfillment that I hadn't felt in a long time. It was as if you were the perfect character, placed in my life, at the perfect time. The effect you had on me gave me a restored faith in not only life but in God. Some may call it crazy that it took a boy to give me back so much but that's where I call them ignorant. Nobody could possibly understand that it was beyond "teenage" love for me, it was the mere fact that you were some of my missing pieces. The image which was me, was now a bit more complete.
And when we crumbled, the glass house which we'd so delicately built, shattered as well. Things fell apart quickly and there was no way to salvage them. I made excuses when I shouldn't have, I forgave when I wasn't ready, and I allowed what went against my principles. And in the midst of doing all this I built up a wall. I grew untrusting, I collected inhibitions, and my unfaltering faith in "us" wavered.
So many people continued to judge me for staying with you. They questioned your significance in my life. I wish these same people could see why I fell in love with you in a matter of 2 weeks. And when they ask why I love you, I hold no response. But I can't be embarrassed because why I love you is truly INEXPLICABLE. And 3 years later I can never regret the accelerated pace which we fell in love. 30 years from now if I still hurt from what transcended between us, I could never regret you entering in my life. How can I regret meeting someone who showed me something so beautiful?
You once asked me if I believed that perhaps we hold on to each other merely out of comfort. For me it's beyond comfort. I think I hold on to you because you stand as tangible proof of faith and God's ultimate plan. Everything happens for a reason right?
Thank you for all you have given me and all which you have taught me. And please just remember that even when I hate you, I love you in a dimension which is incomprehensible to the average mind.
Goodbye...see you in another lifetime perhaps
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